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[15 Feb 2007|09:08pm] |
:-) <3
yaa.
don't let me go.
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[11 Feb 2007|11:10am] |
yup, this insignificant feeling can go away any time now.
do you ever get the feeling we're all just saving eachother?
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[08 Feb 2007|06:23pm] |
i always have these days when i wonder what its all for. all the stress, the strife. i'm lacking in motivation. I don't want to do work, go to school, do anything for that matter. i'm just stuck
its an awkward feeling
though i know that tomorrow, i will pick my head up again and start again
desolation.
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[07 Feb 2007|08:38pm] |
i'm so sick of being told that i'm going to break
last time i checked i wasn't a irreplacable vase, or a fragile, handle with care ornament. no, im a person. stop predicting and waiting with bated breath for my downfall.
drama seekers, misery hunters. we seek down the drama and misery and make it all better. we're mia through regular times, but if you have problems, we're here. thats not what friends are.
i've been internally battling with you for some time now. what to do, what to do. keep a friend around who makes me feel bad about myself? whom i have to walk on eggshells around? whom i cant be generally happy with as to not make anyone feel bad?
the real problems, ceased. i love you. thats all that counts for right now.
though i am petrified i have put all my eggs in one basket
is it such a crime to spend my time with someone who makes me feel good about myself?
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[01 Feb 2007|10:16am] |
i'm so sick of people, girls in particular
they're so petty. i feel like i'm being pulled every which way, peer pressured so people don't feel bad in their mistakes. well, hear this: i like my life. yeah, i do. and with your incessant badgering, your constant "well, you're so boring, your life could be so much better like this _______", it just makes me more mad.
so what if i'm a homebody? lets reevaluate the situation. i have a family who's amazing and loves me. obviously gets on my nerves, but that happens to everyone. we get along like no other. i have a boyfriend/best friend who would do anything for me and i love them to pieces. plus a few other scattered good friends.
i don't need this. sure, its fine, we have a history, but i don't need it. i'm sick of walking on a tight rope, responding how you want me to respond, keeping my mouth shut. i want to gush! i want to tell you how great my boy is, how great my family is, but i can't. i'm restricted to the bad news, the news that makes you tell me to break up, be single. i don't want to be. i've been broken. i don't want to be anymore.
its 2007, grade 12, yet i'm still suffering through petty friendships. why should i keep people around if we don't make eachother feel mutually great, mutually happy to be living life. instead of me feeding off your negativity, adding fuel to your fire. i'm tired of complaining.
cheers xxx
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[23 Dec 2006|10:39am] |
how do we know if this is real?
and not some pathetic, juvenile feeling that we're mistaking.
i can feel it.
i don't want to ever stop saying it.
babybabybaby.
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[06 Dec 2006|05:06pm] |
how can we keep living in between the lines?
we're always waiting. always waiting. and its frustrating because things do go wrong, and we wait for them to get right again, and they fuck themselves up again. i'm waiting for you to leave me. i don't want it to happen, but i'm constantly waiting for this relationship to finally finish. i want to put a puncutation mark at the end of our names instead of an ellipse. i want the case to be closed, know the outcomes, then relive it. i can't live in the moment.
cos in the moment, i could be hurt. bad. in the moment, things can go haywire, lines can get tangled, people can be injured. in the moment i can't set up provisions, wear a bullet proof vest. i have to grin and bear it. i want to go back in time and prepare myself. or tell a younger me just to get out quick. get out while you still can.
everyone tells me these feelings will fade. but i don't want them to. right now, theyre so strong and i like them so much. don't go away. im grasping at words that dont exist. im grasping at expressions.
i want to close my eyes and hold tight and not worry. i want to be free.
but everything must be analyzed and critiqued.
i live in a constant state of nausea.
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[11 Nov 2006|06:07pm] |
perched atop this landmine
i have grown one-thousand years
my hairs are greying and my knowledge waning
face perplexed with rotting fear
i have grown, i have grown
without moving one inch
i am sitting among the dead
soon to join the rest
one-thousand year old minds know best.
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[08 Oct 2006|10:24am] |
he's grabbing my hand and i
need to remember to breathe
but its hard to think, hard to feel
when the walls are being constructed
and i need to keep in mind
that this one second
will soon be over
but yet all i can think about
is how long until the next one
hes holding my hand
and i'm gasping for air
shaking uncontrollably and i
need to remember to breathe
but its hard to think, hard to feel
when life is passing us by
high speed with no signs of slowing
i can't remember
inhale. exhale.
he's holding my hand and i
am not breathing.
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[29 Sep 2006|09:46am] |
the city is near to suffocation
the walls are dripping with sorrow
tonight is the last call for dreams
the store is closing tomorrow
i take my spot in the middle of the stage
lift my hands up over my head
keep my mouth closed, don't make a sound
you might mistake me for the dead
yet i am still breathing
each more pertinent than the last
and here i begin my war story
the ugly recount of my past
i look out on to my loving audience
recognizing not one face
roll up my sleeves and bare my scars
take to the wood and pace
i have time for one more act
one more scene to display
this one takes severe manuvering
but it will all be over today
bite my lip, let it bleed
destroying the canvas of white
this is is necessary to understand
mon histoire of plight
the crowd stops shuffling, dead silence
hanging on my every letter
as i talk of dreary days and nights
with no pretense of getting better
my fans leave in droves and i'm alone
and i start to understand
i had them in my grasp
pity in the palm of my hand
my time, however is running out
methodically, the clock hammers on
the curtains close and i'm in the dark
singing my lonely song.
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[28 Sep 2006|10:07pm] |
how many times have i been in this position.
everytime i say i'm done, i'm not done.
i'm never done.
not until i break.
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[24 Sep 2006|12:10pm] |
well fucking aloof didn't work as well as planned.
and now, gotta deal with consequences.
gosh, i'm all nerves, all the time...stupid boys.
i doubt this will work out....
but for some stupid reason my hopes are up
time for a huge disappointment.
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[23 Sep 2006|06:29pm] |
aloof.
what a weird concept.
let's play it like a boy.
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[20 Sep 2006|07:30pm] |
i'm tired of being this girl, but i don't know how to stop.
its all pretty much jumping the gun.
why every time something goes wrong, my mind fixates on looks. thats the reason i am where i am. i'm done with being this girl whos so insecure with herself that she must use it as an excuse.
if boys don't like me, maybe i'm not showing the right signs. or maybe they're just not for me.
its not my fault?
oooh, this boy is taking over.
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[25 Aug 2006|12:04pm] |
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and i wonder sometimes if it was all a dream.
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[22 Aug 2006|08:20pm] |
this is the sound of silence
attacking your ears
isn't it nice?
this is what you get
naive and i told you so
never put your heart on that platter
i'll eat it up
now don't cry
tears aren't tolerated
put on this straight jacket
i'm here to take you away
this is what you get
when you go out on a limb
you get some taken from you
i told you so
when you let your guard down
set the walls on fire
you get burned
but you deserved it
this is what you get
isn't it nice?
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[20 Aug 2006|02:52pm] |
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i have a problem with finishing things.
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[15 Aug 2006|12:46pm] |
everything is a reconstruction, an adaptation to circumstances. you're never fully adjusted and true comfort can't really be achieved. the rug is constantly being pulled out from underneath.
i want to put you together like a puzzle, but leave out your brain. i need you to stop thinking, to stop worrying. it won't matter in the long run. we had. past tense. its over now, life goes on. 10 more minutes please
i keep wondering when you're going to save me, but you never come.
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[05 Aug 2006|12:27pm] |
"Rough Hands"
was i left behind, someone tell me, tell me i survived.
don't look so surprised that i'm home, but just for tonight.
with rough hands and sore eyes, so don't speak, i am tired.
let's just live through this life.
she says i swear too much,
she says a lot of things,
well i'd swear every other word if i could for her,
i'd make an attempt.
sometimes love isn't about how much he worships you.
but how much you're willing to change to suit them.
all my bones are dust
some people do damaged too much, too late
and my heart's sealed with rust
some people do damaged too much, too late
these hands will always be rough
some people do damaged too much, too late
i know this won't count for much
some people do damaged too much, too late
one day my hands were too soft,
one day she said, i'm tired.
one day her clothes were on my floor,
one day, empty bottles.
well i'm not saying she's my last.
i'm just saying that she could have been,
it doesn't matter how rough these hands get.
it doesn't matter cause i'm not her man.
The new cd is really great.
i love these lyrics.
update- can't say much
cheers xxx
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[11 Jul 2006|09:28pm] |
'sok guys. somehow everything works out for the best.
so tmw...cross your fingers for me.
i'm holding my breath
(guess i'll suffocate)
thats ok.
cheers xxx
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